Anger is OK

For some reason, I grew up thinking anger is not ok. I don't know why. My mom never told me that. She got angry sometimes. Who doesn't? I guess it just got impressed on my mind because when my brothers got angry they didn't release it properly, so I guess it equated to anger is bad. Well, when I went through therapy (little known fact about me) they told me anger is ok. What? No its not! This was very against my nature. But actually, anger is ok. It's how you handle that anger that is ok or not ok. But anger itself is ok. It's natural. Even Christ got angry at the peddlers in the temple. It took me a long time to let myself feel the pent up anger of years and years and years of suppression. And that was so new to me. So awkward. So unnatural. I learned that when I feel anger, experience it. Let it out in a healthy way.

I've forgotton my lesson learned.

By nature I really am not an angry person. Really. In the last 8 months there have been lots of events happen in my life that would make any normal person angry. I mean really angry. But anger is not what I felt. I'm pretty sure I suppressed it without even knowing it. And everytime I am around certain people, I feel a lesser version of anger. Loathing? But every time I see them, the anger builds up.

Well, the other day while tidying up, I accidentally knocked a glass off the kitchen table. It shattered to pieces. And it felt really good. This surge went through me and I got super mad. I was so tempted to go to the cupboard and throw all of our glasses and all of our plates and anything else that's breakable. I wanted a baseball bat. I wanted to go hit something. Smash windshields. But I didn't. Vandalism is bad. I quickly cleaned it up (kind of) and rushed off to school, because by now I was running late. There is a certain person in my class that really aggrevates me. It took all I had not to deck him in the face that night. Oh but that would've felt nice. But violence is not ok. I was talking to Melissa about how this cup felt so good to break and I want to go break more. I just feel so angry. So enraged. And she was so relieved to hear it. She said she's had the same sensation, and told her husband Theron about it and he thought she was crazy. Maybe she's not crazy. Maybe we're both crazy (perhaps that why we get along so well). And also I know Kathleen and Cassidi have been aggrivated lately too. I told them I want to go to DI and purchase a crappy piece of furniture, a baseball bat, and a whole bunch of glasses/dishes and have myself a good release. They all thought that was a great idea. We've been planning a Girls Night Out for a while, and we decided to include this anger fest as well. We're gonna go into the mountains and beat up furniture and throw glass in a box of some sort (we don't want to be littering now). I think it's a much better alternative than taking it out on my husband or that classmate or something. Right?