Sadness

My ward is great. It is a very...unique....ward. I'm definitely not in Utah anymore. On one hand, you've got the very rich and rather wealthy people. Some families have expensive *cough* nine million dollar *cough* mansions. On the other hand, a majority of my ward is from the Ghetto. The ghetto of ghettos. The poverty in this place is unbelievable.

Last week, I had the oppurtunity to miss sharing time and go to relief society. A woman was there who was baptized, but hadn't been there for years. She took the oppurtuntiy to speak out about how we're hypocrites and unfaithful because we aren't bringing her to church. We don't dare go in the ghetto. Those of us who do have cars, myself included, have a full car everysunday. I know a couple that brings two cars just to get others to church. I have gone in some scary neighborhoods to pick people up. I know another family who only has one seat in their car, but still goes to get someone. Some families come in pieces just to get to church, and they all meet up at the building later. There is a lot we do. We just don't have enough cars to get everybody. My ward as about 5-600 members, but only 100-150 show up. There are a lot of inactives. We do our best, but it's impossible to seek them all out every sunday. Those who want to go, go. They find rides. They call around. It gets done. Sometimes I even make two trips just to get people to and from church. It happens.

This last sunday, I was sitting in sharing time, and it seemed there was an abundance of adults there. The kids were behaving well, and it was rather sparse because of 4th of July weekend. I thought, "I could probably sneak out unnoticed and go to relief society." But then I thought, "No, I like to sing with the kids." So I decided to stay in sharing time. It was grand. Appearantly, in relief society there was, once again, quite an uproar. The lesson was, of course, patriotic. How we should be thankful for our freedoms. One woman piped up about how america is fake. There is no real freedom for black people. That got everyone fired up. Another one talked about how they lied to her when she left africa. She thought this would be a better life and now she's stuck. She's stuck in poverty and danger. Although I can't completely understand what they go through everyday, I still would like to say that the only think that keeps us stuck is not the color of our skin, but the state of mind we are in. Oprah Winfrey was raised in aweful circumstances. Look at her now. I could say the same for Condaleeza Rice. The color of their skin didn't limit them. I know that of all the people in the ghetto, I can only really think of 2 examples, but still. It's not impossible.

I was discussing with a friend (who also missed this uproar) on monday night about a dear lady in our ward. She is a single mother of six children. She is raising them to the best of her ability, but they are barely surviving. She struggles and has stress i could never imagine. I have been to their neighborhood to pick them up for church. Frankly, it terrifies me. I hate being there. I hate getting out of the car. I would hate to have no choice but to raise my kids there because I have nowhere I can go. Her power is being turned off this week. She's scared and stressed. My friend and I were discussing ways we can help her. What can we do? Just listening to these circumstances and what a loss she's at, it just...it breaks my heart. All of this breaks my heart. Sometimes I think, if I were a millionare, I could help so many people. I'd build a big house and they can stay there and live, and their children could be raised well. But really, that's impossible. Then they learn to be mooches. It's not so much money thats the problem (although it can be a big part of it) it's mindset that's the problem. It's not what we can do for this woman. Frankly, I have enough in saving to help keep her power on for another month, but that's not really what she needs. She needs to learn how to live. How to budget. How to save. How to earn. They don't need gimmies. They need life skills. That's when I don't know how to help them. I'm barely only learning these life skills as well. It's only a matter of months before I have my first appartment. I'll have rent, and groceries, and utilities. It just breaks my heart that I can't help them more.

I was also thinking how lucky I am. How grateful I should really be. I take way too much for granted. At this point in life, as I date and find the person I want to marry, and find the life I want to lead, I weigh my options. I want a college graduate. Someone with ambition. We don't have to be millioinares, but I'd like to not have to live paycheck to paycheck. But even if we were living paycheck to paycheck, I know that we would never be in that kind of neighborhood. I know that no matter how bad things got, we would never ever wind up there. That is not even an option. I have family that would help out, and I just know that I will never live in that part of town. But some just don't have that option. That is all they've ever had, and that's all they ever will have. It's hard to escape the poverty. It's such a cycle. It really just breaks my heart.