Sigh

It is 3 in the morning. I am listening to Mikey scream his head off. I've been listening to him for quite sometime. We're trying to train him to sleep through the night. I don't know if this is the way to do it and I think I'm going to give in to him soon. I can't stand listening to my baby cry. I have to do something!

Boy am I struggling! Not just with Mikey and his sleep. I've sprained a tendon or ligament in my back and made it horribly worse by giving my friends kid a million underdoggies on the swings on the park. I know I shouldn't have. I could feel my back getting worse, but I can't resist a little boy and watching the glee on his face when I do it. Especially when he yells "Underdoggy!" and I yell "Underpants!" and he laughs his head off. What is it about that word that is so funny to little boys? I haven't been able to lift my kids up. I've barely been able to walk. Don't even mention sleep. My back aches and spasms all night. Even if Mikey wasn't screaming. Trevor has been extra helpful. He's so wonderful that way. But, he can't be here all the time. So I kill myself taking care of my beautiful kids.

I think the Lord knew we needed a change of scenery and fast. I still can't believe I'm here. We had such short notice to leave Idaho and get here. I think I'm just now catching my breath. It's a good thing we came. Trevor loves school. I love everything else. I love the weather and the people. The roads have been very easy to get situated with. It's so family friendly here. But I'm still struggling with some postpartum depression. It's been kind of rough. It's been hard with this injury and Mikey being sick last week (almost 105 degree temperature) not to have family around. Thank goodness for being Mormon! I don't know how others move without such an instant network! But I am making friends that are slowly feeling like family as the days go by. So it helps. It's just been hard to have Trevor gone all day. And me alone with the kids all day. Hardly any breaks. No car. Nearly no phone. I feel so trapped here. I'm starved for adult conversation. I'm starved for anything stimulating to my brain. Articles. Books. Talk radio. I'm actually listening to politics because it's something to think about. Something more than "bobble? Milk?" from Allie all day.

Allie. She'll be 2 tomorrow. 2! Two. And boy is she. She's so strong willed. She loves the word no. And throwing herself on the ground. My baby girl is growing up. Just today she suddenly looked different. Older. She grows smarter by the day. Picks up several new words. And now she is piecing them together. Bobble and ilk. Peas stop, daddy! And such. It's amazing to me. She was just born. Where did the last two years go? She gets prettier by the day too. I get completely enamored watching those big innocent brown eyes and bouncing curls running around my house. I love my beautiful daughter more than anything. She's so amazing. I don't know what I'd do without her.

Well, Mikey has finally stopped crying. I think I'll try to sleep again.

Learned a Lesson

Yesterday, Trevor was gone from 7:30 am to 9 pm. When he got home, we watched our weekly episode of Chuck on Hulu. Immediately after, he got really grumpy and short. Everything I did (or didn't do) made him angry. I'd try to apologize, but that was useless. I tried to explain. Even more useless. Then I laid next to him, stroked his hair and said, "I bet you've had a stressful day."

"I did!" came his reply. "It was so long! First I..." And he carried on talking about everything that stressed him. As he did so, I could almost see him becoming putty in my hands. Letting all out and winding down and being my happy, kind, and loving husband he usually is. "Whoa!" thought I, "that was easy."

Usually when he gets snappy, I get snappy right back. It's not any easier for me when he's gone. I'm alone with cranky kids all day with no car, trapped in this apartment. There's only so many times I can go to the miniature park down the street and keep my sanity! I could've said this and ranted on and on. And we would've gone to bed grumpy and on opposite sides. Instead, I let him spill his day to me. He was happy. I was happy. We went to bed cuddling, laughing, and talking. I learned a lot from that sentence. I'm gonna have to say "I bet you've had a stressful day" more often.